The Nuddybongo Newsheet


In a Pound Shop today, it was reported that two pensioners had a bit of a tussle. A riot squad were sent in and luckily there were no police casualties.

Our Nuddybongo reporter not only got the news story, but the conversation between the two elderly ladies90 and 92. The second Part was a little more difficult; but hey … we’re good.


“Hey Doris! look at what I’ve just found!”

Doris: “What is it Agnes?”

Agnes: “I don’t know? But it’s plastic AND it’s only a pound ... so, it
must be ‘smashing’!”

D: “What? Not ‘terrible’ like the weather last month?”

A: “No:‘smashing’!”

D: “Are there any more on the shelf?”

A: “No this is the last one”

D: “I want it!”

A: “No! It’s mine! I found it!”

D: “I don’t care! I lend you loads of sugar!”

There is then a small struggle; you could call it I fight.
Agnes is victorious.
Doris leaves in a huff and refuses to talk to Agnes for forty years and  forty  odd nights.  But what she  does  do  is  gossip   about  her  to  everyone, just to even things up a lot.

Three days later, in Agnes’ Pensioner bungalow.

There is a knock, Agnes opens the door. Rupert, her grandson is calling.

Ag: “Ohhhh!  Hello Rupert, come in, let me get you a cup of tea and some ‘single lentil watery’ pensioner soup.”

Rupert (entering living room): “What’s that on top of your TV set

Ag: Oooh! That’s a bargain I got from the pound shop. It’s an arsehole - ‘ah’ -  powered, cordless, Neo  Classical, Quazi Rennaissance table lamp. It’s in the Dynastic ‘Dildo’ style!
They’re very, very rare and all the rage at the moment: I was told by the assistant. It’s had the daylight shining on it for three days now, but it hasn’t lit up yet at night? It must need time to warm up! Maybe tonight?”

Ru: “Ohhhmm! Really gran? That’s lovely.”

Ag: “Yes. I’ve got some KY polish with it too. The manager in the shop told me to rub some  of it on the lamp each day, because it contains photo sensitive selenium quantum  meta microchips, which will help with the lamp’s light gathering ability.

I have a little surprise for you. (she leaves room).

“Shut your eyes now!”

Rupert shuts his eyes

She shuffles back in.

“Open your hand.”

He opens his hand.

She places object in his palm.

Ag: “You can open your eyes now.
I hope you like black? It was the very last one. The manager was keeping it for his wife who is also into renaissance style lighting; what a coincidence hey? But, he let me have it for a pound! Smashing eh !?”,