THE GARDEN POND

 

 

 

 

 

We chatted to Mrs Edna Jackson, the owner of the property with the pond told us the truth, not the ‘official’ news. It was an accident.

Her grandson Franklin Pemberton – Gleaves, a handsome six-footer (apparently), works as a special design engineer in the MOD. Pemberton acquired for his gran an invisibility cloak which allows her to go out any time and tip some engine oil on the road. The cars then come around the bend, and some with handily worn tyres, skid, and crash through the hedge and into the garden pond. She told us that her friends come around once a week to watch the spectacle as it adds some exciting entertainment to the day. The car crashes in the water and the driver and the passenger, if there is one (or two!?), get out as quickly as possible and head towards the edge of the pond, struggling over the deliberately submerged obstacles i.e. shopping trolleys etc.

Well!  Mrs Jackson informed us that it was costing her a fortune and most of her pension too having a van full of cat food delivered every day to feed her two pets, Quentin and Pipistrelle, which her other grandson Scott had smuggled her back from his trip to Africa when they were still in eggs, which he dug out of a nest at a river’s edge ... which she hatched in her airing cupboard. As soon as the pets were fed, her and three of her friends donned the invisibility cloaks (Pemberton got her four) and went out and spread sand on the road. Her pets could only eat so much, even though they were both twenty-five feet long and one car at a time was enough to lift out of the pond with her lifting crane thingy which she kept in the modified garden shed. Mrs Jackson, a very polite and lovely lady then asked us, off the record, if we needed any spares? She had two Astra’s and a Jag left; the rest had been taken as full vehicles (full of water, LOL!).

Mrs Jackson said that she had thought of getting the car windows sealed and selling them as Carquariums, which people could put in their gardens as garden aquariums; instead of those boring old red phone booths. She said that if a coach ever came through the hedge, after the feeding frenzy, she would have it sealed, the windows blacked and, then filled with water and invite diving clubs to come and explore. She said that was novel because you usually had to dive to the wreck, not ‘into’ the water, which was ‘in’ the wreck? Did we understand the opposite nature of that business idea?

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Apparently, Dragon’s Den stalwart Peter Jones was interested in one and was going to call it Peter Jones’s Locker (and that the driver and passenger skeletons would be plastic … boring!).